Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
