we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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