I just made out with a guy for $7.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
