marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
