Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
