You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
