i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
