i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
