i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
