a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Boobs are out for the taking
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
