just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
