update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
