I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
