Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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