i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
