Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
