Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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