I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
