the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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