Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize