Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Can't talk, ducks in the car
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
