If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She bit a glass in half.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
