I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
