You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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