He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
