its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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