shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
