don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
