She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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