It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
