you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My ass is underappreciated
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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