I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
