i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Randomize
