The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
