Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
