well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
