Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
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The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
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When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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