ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
