What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
