nut hugger
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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