I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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