Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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