i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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