I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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