You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He better not be in your backpack
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
