I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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