the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
