I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
