I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
