I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
