Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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