Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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