He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
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woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
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Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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