Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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