Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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