So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
