I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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