i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
