my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
