is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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