i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize