But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
