Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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