remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
