As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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