I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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