im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
