I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
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Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
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She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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