Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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