how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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