piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
