dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
