How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
