So gin and wine won't be happening again
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
