My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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