so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
