is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
