im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
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