ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
