matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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