I have demons in me.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you will always have a special place in my vag
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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