i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
this will be a night to untag.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
