and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize